Break-ups can be extremely hurtful and distressing—regardless of if the relationship lasted weeks or years. It is ok and totally normal to feel sad after a relationship ends.

A break-up can be upsetting whether you are being dumped or whether the dumping was your idea.

While we all know break-ups feel terrible, we may not know exactly why we are reacting in such an overwhelming negative way.

Here are some reasons why break-ups feel so bad!

• When a relationship ends, you have to re-adjust to thinking about “me” instead of “we.” When in a relationship, you begin to function with a group mentality instead of thinking as an individual when planning for the future. This can be as simple as thinking of your partner for dinner plans to thinking about starting a family. A break-up changes your thinking back to an individual perspective. There can be a sense of abandonment, fear of the future, and disappointment.
• Break-ups can cloud our sense of self. The more serious the relationship, the harder it can be to find yourself after a relationship. Break-ups can create a sense of grief and loss about who you were in the relationship.
• Break-ups can also cloud your thinking. Thinking about a relationship after it ends takes up a lot of time and energy. It can feel almost impossible at times to see past your feelings of pain, loss, and grief. Focusing on negative things over time can leave you feeling drained and depressed.

It is not crazy to feel sad after a break-up. It is simply human.

Look for the second part in our series to discover how to start moving on in a healthy way after a break-up.

Laura Lebovitz
LLebovitz @ GROWcounseling.com