As a mom, there have certainly been times I wish I could wrap my kids up in bubble wrap to keep them protected from everything from scrapes, broken bones, physical, emotional injury or even a car crash when they began driving.

So what’s wrong with that? Well, nothing about the wish, but several things about protecting our children from life lessons.

Our parental longing to protect our children is necessary when they are young and unable to protect themselves. However, when they become teenagers and young adults, there are some lessons they can only learn by growing, taking chances, taking responsibility, and, yes, learning some of them the hard way by falling down and learning to get back up.

Just as we did when our children were learning to walk, we have to let them test their “life legs” to learn how to walk, run and sometimes fall down and get back up. This means not always rescuing them from their decisions and allowing them to experience failure.

Failure isn’t fatal. Failing does not make them a failure. If we prevent our young adults from experiencing the negative consequences of their actions, we inhibit their ability to learn their limitations and more importantly to learn the strength of their character and ability to thrive in adversity. These are life skills as necessary as learning that when they physically fall down, they can get back up and keep going walking.

Mental and emotional resilience are equally as important- some argue more important- as physical resiliency. So while it feels not only uncomfortable, but may also go against our parental intuition, allowing our children to feel the discomfort of falling short of their goal- and not rescuing them- allows them to grow into the adult we hope they will be.

Of course, the amount and type of distress we allow our children to endure will be based on our knowledge of their strengths and ability to overcome. You may be surprised at what your child can do on their own, without your rescue. If you have difficulty allowing your young adult child to make decisions, or feel like you’re constantly standing by with the bubble wrap, perhaps processing your thoughts with a therapist could be beneficial.

Allison Wray, LAPC