One of our greatest needs is to be fully seen, fully known and fully loved. It’s really tough to do that if you’re not certain that you have anyone safe to share vulnerable moments and your ugliest struggles with. This is all so much more important and difficult if you … Read More
Good Pictures Bad Pictures
Some researchers are citing the age of 8 – eight years old!! – as the average age of exposure to pornography. And – that’s an average. Meaning that kids also encounter pornography at ages even younger than 8. Prior to the Internet era children typically didn’t discover porn until age … Read More
Abusive Relationships: Recognizing Control Tactics in Conflict
Navigating conflicts is really a part of all relationships, including healthy ones. But a hallmark of an abusive relationship is when conflict is less about disunity and difference of opinion and it’s more about one person controlling the other. When an abuser engages in an argument, the goal has nothing … Read More
Compassionate Responses in a Socio-Political Climate of Fear and Division
In light of the recent presidential election, there are a lot of polarizing views right now regarding our socio-political climate and the state of the country…many of these may touch a nerve for you. In light of the current climate of fear and division, consider a couple action steps… Self-care: … Read More
Why is He Abusive?
Most of us have probably been exposed to romantic relationships that we recognized as abusive. Sometimes, our preconceived ideas of what “domestic violence” or “victims” and “abusers” look like make it difficult to recognize and name abuse as such. But we are probably closer to victims (or perpetrators) of partner … Read More
Listening Well: Asking for Support [Without Receiving Unwanted Advice]
Have you ever needed to sort through a problem or share a heavy emotional load with another person, but felt like there was no way to do that, without having to receive another set of opinions, perspectives, or advice that would probably just complicate the issue? So, then you just … Read More
Listening Well: An Experiment in Empathy
“An empathic response is restrained, largely silent; following, not leading, it encourages the speaker to go deeper into his or her experience.” Empathy does not mean, as we often think, “worrying about, praising, cheering up, gushing, consoling, or even encouraging. It means understanding.” (Nichols, 2009, p. 84) There are so … Read More
Listening Well: Responding to Criticism
When was the last time you found yourself in an argument with someone? Who do you argue with most frequently? And what are those arguments about? Want a more productive option?? Michael Nichols, the author of “The Lost Art of Listening” shares a story about his temperamental cat that many … Read More
The Power of [Just] Listening Well
Recently I’ve seen countless examples of people who are hurting, struggling, confused or angry – and they feel completely alone. It seems like the cause for some of the isolation can be traced back to friends, family, or trusted confidants who have no idea how to just be present… how to just listen.
We’re busy. Our thoughts are going a million miles per hour. We’re used to having so much information flying at us, that to stop, press pause, focus, and just listen requires so much discipline.
The Holidays: Managing Your Expectations
The holidays tend to come with a lot of extra hype, performance pressure, and expectations. One tool that can help family members enjoy vacations, holidays, and special events is setting realistic expectations ahead of time. Here are a few questions that can help guide that conversation.
