Louis Vuitton? Gucci? Dolce and Gabbana? We all have baggage that we bring into a relationship…the only difference is that some people have designer bags! While we are joking about that last part (sort of) we do have a tendency to engage in unhealthy relationships, even when we want to find a health one. Why is this? Glad you asked. When entering into a relationship, it’s important to first look at ourselves – what kind of baggage are we carrying with us? Having a healthy relationship starts with you!
We often run away from “owning” our own imperfections and unhealthy behaviors because doing so would make us have to face our issues. For example, sometimes we are really disorganized we look for someone who is organized, or if we are laid back we look for someone who is assertive. If you find yourself attracting people who are very different why they are looking for certain characteristics in someone else. Sometimes it might be due to not wanting to develop or improve himself or herself. It’s unfair to look to someone for something that you don’t want to create in yourself. Once you work on yourself, your new found confidences, independence and healthiness will attract someone else who is looking for someone with your developed qualities.
Wendy Dickinson, Ph.D., Licensed Psychologist