I remember scene from the movie Shenandoah where James Stewart visits the grave of his wife and talks aloud, recalling all events that have taken place in the previous weeks and months. It is a poignant visual of the potential healing power of visiting a loved one’s grave. This year marks the 25th anniversary of the death of a family member. Honoring this anniversary looks very different from that first anniversary. It is important to give yourself permission to grieve after the death of a loved one; and to continue to grieve as the years go by.
Grieving looks different to each person. One friend hosted an open house on the first anniversary of his wife’s death. He had a beautiful video of his wife’s life and legacy which he played for those in attendance. This was healing for him. However, another family member asked not to attend the open house because it was simply too overwhelming at that time. Family members needed to grieve in a different ways.
Another friend takes a picnic to her mother’s grave on the anniversary of her death. The family eats their mother’s favorite take-out food together, while sharing memories, celebrating her life and creating new memories surrounding her mother’s life and legacy.
Important in the grieving process is taking time to allow healing. Often, our society wants the grieving to end immediately after the funeral. The first year after a death is fraught with anniversaries. Allow yourself time to grieve well and do not place a limit on the process.
Marlayne Whitlock, MS
mwhitlock@ GROWcounseling.com
