Grief Part 3 -Helpful Ways to Support

Welcome to the final post in our grief series. It’s time to offer practical “rights” and tips for supporting yourself or another person in grief.

Part of grieving is coming to the recognition that there is freedom to do so. In the “Mourner’s Bill of Rights, you have the right to

  • experience your own unique grief,
  • talk about it,
  • feel a multitude of emotions,
  • be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits,
  • embrace spirituality,
  • create rituals and/or honoring ceremonies and events,
  • treasure memories – they are precious,
  • search for meaning,
  • move toward grief and heal, and
  • rediscover who you are.
A difficulty we face is wondering how to support a friend/family member when they are grieving. Here are a few practical suggestions:
  • Be there – being present is a huge way to support others. Continue to be there even after the initial shock wears off.
  • Support them if they want to talk or if they want to engage in activity that helps them feel “normal.”
  • Avoid cliché statements.
  • Allow room to grieve – many of us feel uncomfortable with pain and those that are grieving may also feel uncomfortable; however, allowing room and giving permission for the person to be honest is a great way to support them.
  • Don’t force grief.
  • Be patient – continue to listen and support your friend. Often, those who are experiencing pain are afraid their friends will tire from listening or supporting.
  • Offer practical support (e.g. helping them pack a suitcase, cleaning their house, watching their kids, taking them out for a meal).

As one final encouragement: You know more than you realize about how to support people who are grieving. It is likely not through grand gestures, but instead with consistency, care, and compassion. Presence, and caring in the silence are sometimes the greatest support to someone in grief.

 

Kim DeRamus,LPC