JUST KIDDING! Now that I have your attention, that is NOT a helpful way to improve your marriage!

Conflict is normal, understandable, inevitable, and even essential– when done well. That may be a complicated idea, and can be really difficult to wrap your head around when you are struggling, so here is a link for a more thorough explanation on that idea.

Does this sound familiar to you? You get in an argument with your spouse, finally resolve the argument, everything seems fine, and out of nowhere, you have very the same conflict all over again. You might be thinking to yourself, “How is this happening again? They know how hurtful this is!” If so, take some deep breaths and know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

John Gottman’s decades of research shows that couples cannot compromise or work through conflicts until each of them understand each other’s perspectives.

Now let’s talk about what you can do about a conflict. Whether you are a conflict starter or avoider, learning the art of conflict takes time. To get started, here are some strategies to help you develop a plan to navigate conflicts and improve connection where you both win.

If you have tried strategies similar to the ones above, and you are still struggling with conflict, finding a trained therapist could be the next step in working through conflicts with your spouse.

Written by: Dustin Ellis