Helping a friend in an abusive relationship

Melanie had it all, great friends and family, worked from home, lived in a nice neighborhood; all of her friends secretly wanted her life.  But Melanie had a big secret of her own she hoped no one would ever find out about.  When Melanie and her boyfriend would fight her boyfriend would sometimes call her “worthless” and even pushed her against the wall several times. The last fight was a big one and Melanie ended up with a bruise on her wrist. She wanted to hide in her house so no one would ask about the bruise but she already planned to meet some friends for lunch while her boyfriend was at work. She put on some make-up and a ton of bracelets while she rehearsed her “I pinched my wrist in the door by accident” speech. There was no way she could tell anyone what really happened after all she thought “I probably did something to deserve it, I usually do”. She thought her plan would work but as soon as she went to hug her friend Kim her other friend said “How did you get that handprint on your wrist”?

When a friend is being talked down to or hit by their partner they may feel shame and want to hide the abuse as a big secret. Even if the abuse is discovered by friends many people stay in the abusive relationships because it can be dangerous and difficult to leave. It is important not to pressure a victim of abuse to leave the relationship because they understand and know the dangers of the situation better than others on the outside do. Friends and family will likely be the first people to offer a lifeline of encouragement and support to aid a loved one in making the decision to leave the abusive relationship.

Would Can I Do to Help my Friend:

  • Believe your friend when he/she tells you they are being abused.
  • Offer a listening ear to your friend and tell him/her how much you value them and want them to be safe from this abusive situation that is not their fault.
  • Give him/her books and materials to read about domestic violence and offer the friend a safe place to keep the materials such as a library or office.
  • Call a Domestic Violence Hotline with your friend to help them develop a safety plan and emergency to aid your friend when they make the final decision to leave.
  • Help the friend tell a professional who can help with the difficult and dangerous process of ending the relationship such as a therapist or doctor.

 

Resources:

Partnership Against Domestic Violence

24-hour crisis line: Fulton: 404-873 -1766 / Gwinnett: 770-963-9799

www.padv.org

 

Georgia Coalition Against Domestic Violence

24- hour Georgia hotline: 1-800-33HAVEN

www.gcadv.org

 

 

Jennifer Wilmoth, LAMFT
jwilmoth@ growcounseling.com