I believe most of us have heard BFF as a commonly used phrase to describe a very close friendship or “best friend forever.” Especially for women, close friendships often serve as a place of refuge or a layer of protection from difficulties in life.

Research shows that BFF’s can increase one’s sense of belonging and purpose, improve one’s self confidence and self-worth, reduce stress and boost happiness.

BFF’s are instrumental in coping with life traumas such as serious illness, divorce, job loss or death of a loved one. All of these aspects of a BFF truly contribute to one’s emotional and mental health. The loss of a BFF can be very painful and difficult to cope with.

Our stages of life can come with many unpredictabilities, some great and some not so great. Moving far away, marriage, divorce, having a child, changing interests, getting sick and many other experiences may cause you to loose a BFF. If you feel you are losing or have lost your BFF due to life circumstances or just because you two have become very different people over the years, below are some strategies to help you cope.

• Allow and validate your need to express an array of emotions that may include hurt, guilt, anger, confusion and sadness. You can do this by journaling, talking to another close friend or seeking a mental health therapist to discuss these difficult feelings of grief and loss in a safe place.
• No need to blame anyone. Honor how you showed up the best you could as a BFF. Take time to reflect and grow from possible mistakes you may have made. Take a new BFF inventory that currently reflects your interests and life circumstances in hopes to meet a new BFF and not just replace the old one.
• Hold on to the memories. Your BFF helped shape the person you are today. They helped you make good choices and avoid making bad ones. They walked along side you through many of your most painful moments as well as celebrated your most joyous occasions. Although you and your BFF’s journey may have ended, the memories can last a lifetime.

Porsha Jones, LMFT
Pjones @ GROWcounseling.com