Poison comes with a warning label and an identifiable picture of skull and crossbones. Wouldn’t it be helpful if certain toxic people in our lives came with the same? Actually, the person himself is not toxic, but rather the behavior in your relationship is. The challenge is, this behavior is often subtle and disguised, so that we are deep in the relationship before we are aware how damaging the toxic behavior is to our psyche.

Toxic behavior is identified by the negative and destabilizing impact on your emotions that causes you to question, “what just happened?” Common feelings are confusion, deflation, invalidation, and guilt.

The toxic behavior can come in many forms and from simple thoughtlessness to intended malice. When you question the behavior, the toxic person typically turns it around implying you are “too sensitive” or “being a drama queen.” You are left believing you are at fault. If you find yourself continually feeling hurt and needing to adjust your behavior to avoid this, you may be in a toxic relationship.

We engage in toxic relationships in our families, friends, workplace, and romantic relationships. Sometimes it is not possible to avoid these people, but recognizing toxic behavior can be helpful in reducing its effect.

1. “Toxic” people are skilled manipulators. They tend to behave as if it is all about them. They have no problem using others to accomplish their goals.
2. There is an unwillingness to take responsibility for their own actions and/or emotions. If confronted about this behavior, they will strongly deny and turn the blame onto you.
3. There is an absence of interest and support for you and what is important to you. They are jealous and envious of what others have.
4. Don’t expect an apology. It is never their fault. You may also notice they often play the “victim” in an attempt to gain attention and sympathy.
5. There is a noticeable inconsistency in their behavior. One day, they are loving and attentive; the next they are distant and abusive. Keeping you off balance is how they maintain control.
6. Toxic relationships are rife with criticism. Notice how they speak about you, and judge what you do, and don’t do for them. They will lie when it serves them.

It is important to know these toxic behaviors are often the result of a deep wounding, and for whatever reason, they lack the insight or ability to recognize this. They are simply trying to get their needs met in the only way they know how. If you recognize these behaviors in your relationship, it may be time to evaluate your commitment to, and role in the relationship. In a future blog, I will discuss ways to protect yourself within a toxic relationship.

Ann Sheerin,LPC

Reference: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201705/how-handle-the-most-toxic-people-in-your-life