As a counselor who works with many young adults who date, an article title recently caught my eye while glancing at a psychology magazine: “Why You Were Ghosted”. The tag line read, “A romantic partner suddenly disappears, and you’re left wondering what you did wrong. Chances are it has little to do with you. Blame it on ‘relationshopping.’”
What is relationshopping exactly? It’s the window-shopping version of online dating, where users can access as many dating apps as they want, and simultaneously view multiple profiles. Each profile has in-depth descriptions, or one-word answers to a few pre-programmed questions.
The article shares how a Georgetown team of behavior scientists identified that many online daters consider apps to be a “marketplace” for exploring potential traits of new dates. With the swipe-right culture, it becomes easy to swipe left (not expressing interest) on a person, based on specific traits listed in a short profile or an image.
This leads to a common occurrence in online dating: “catfishing.” Catfishing is when someone does not look like their profile photos, or they are not who they say they are. Basically, it’s like seeing a cute outfit on an online beauty blogger and then trying it on only to realize you are not built the same way.
With the ease of relationshopping, the use of indirect breakup methods has risen. “Ghosting” – cutting someone out without an explanation – is a real phenomenon that affects as many as 80 percent of younger adult daters. The shopping mentality reflects this percentage in avoiding confrontation or connection.
Relationshopping can create the mindset that good relationships are founded on finding the “right profile,” without considering that relationships develop through communication and connection. Daters in this shopping mentality can quickly pass on a person as soon as “buyers” remorse sinks in…or they find a more intriguing profile.
If you would like to connect with a counselor to discuss your own personal patterns or experiences with dating– we have something for you! GROW Counseling is offering a unique program focused on encouraging individuals to date wholeheartedly. We want to help individuals understand the core components of healthy relationships, the way their individual traits are reflected in their relationships, and the techniques for applying core components and individual traits to the modern dating world. If you are interested in discussing your dating life or navigating online dating, check out Wholehearted Dating on our website or reach out for individual counseling.
Written by: Kim DeRamus Lareau
