It’s never a bad thing to have a sex talk with your partner, but it does require a thoughtful approach to ignite the passion in your relationship.

Passion is what most couples I work with want more of when they assess their sexual needs. They want powerful, compelling emotions with the desire to connect sexually with their partner.

Many couples, whether married, in a new relationship or long term commitment can fall into making assumptions about what each other desires, likes and dislikes about your sexual relationship.

One common mistake is assuming that you or your partner will always desire the same type of sexual interaction over the course of your relationship. As time passes, our bodies and minds naturally change, leading to different needs we have to feel sexual passion for our partner.

Having a sex talk with your partner is one way to discover both your expectations, sexual histories, boundaries, desires, and fantasies.  A sex talk can also nurture emotional and physical safety between partners which helps ignite passion for each other.

Below are some start-up ideas to have a sex talk with your partner this Valentine’s Day.

• “I love having sex with you. I really care about what you desire sexually.  I would like to explore other ways that also turn you on.  Can we make time to talk about this?”

• “I want us to ignite our passion starting this Valentine’s Day. I love making love with you.  Let’s make sure we know each other’s desires and fantasies.  Can we talk about this?

• “Do you think we should explore new ways to ignite our passion? With work and the kids, it’s easy for us to miss out on ways to fulfill each other’s sexual desires.  I love connecting with you in this way, can we find time to talk?”

Although your start-up may be different, depending on what stage you are in your relationship, it’s very important to communicate with softness, care, confidence, and respect.  If your partner does not feel comfortable having a sex talk, don’t apply pressure.  Therapy could provide a safe, confidential space to help facilitate a sex talk.

Porsha Jones, LMFT
pjones@GROWcounseling.com