Valentine’s Day: A couples approach to navigating sex.

Valentine’s Day is upon us, once again. As we approach a day that is supposed to be about love, affirmation, and connection, couples can overthink the idea of Valentine’s Day. We can get caught up in the idea of a romantic dinner that is going to cost a few hundred dollars for an underwhelming meal. We will do our best to fit into our nicest suits, fancy dresses, and we will do our best to treat our partners with chocolates and flowers.

The biggest questions and expectations of the night will be about your approach to sex.

For some couples, this is the only time this year that they will have sex, some couples will expect sex but be disappointed when/if it does not happen, and very few couples will actually have a PLAN for sex for Valentine’s Day. So let’s spend just a minute discussing planning for sex on Valentine’s Day.

  • Sex is about connecting.
  • Sex is about demonstrating love.
  • Sex is about pleasure.
  • Sex is about affirmation.

If we can focus on these four things instead of having a goal of orgasm then we will have a healthier and more fulfilling Valentine’s Day sexual experience.

So here is a list of ways to focus on what sex can be about:

  • Communicate about what you like in a positive way. Example: “I really enjoy when you touch me in this way.”
  • Affirm the needs of your partner.Example: “I understand that you have been wanting to try _________, Let’s use Valentine’s Day to explore this.”
  • Ask from you partner what you would like. Example: “I have always been wanting to try _________, would you be willing to explore this with me?”
  • Demonstrate your love.Example: “I love you and want to make sure that you receive love in the way I give it. Can you let me know what I do that makes you feel loved?”

Giving and receiving love on Valentine’s Day is about more than the chocolates, flowers, fine dining or even the physical aspect of sex. It starts with connecting, love, pleasure, and affirmation. When couples focus on these traits of love, sex can be more fulfilling and desired by each partner. If you are wanting to have this conversation with your partner, we recommend saying: “hey _______, I was just reading a blog about planning sex on Valentine’s Day. I think it would be fun if we were to plan what sex would look like for us as we celebrate how much we care for each other.”

We hope that your Valentine’s Day is amazing and that your efforts will lead to the healthiest connection, and possibly sex, with your partner that you have had this year!

~ Adam Glendye, LPC, CPCS