I see countless young couples in my office, who describe early dating experiences as “rocky,” and continue to explain how these brief moments still persist. They have professed their deep love and commitment to one another, despite the length of time they have known each other. They feel bonded, but are scared and confused when this bond feels threatened. One of the answers to this question lies in the Relationship Attachment Model.

The Relationship Attachment Model (RAM) was developed by Dr. John Van Epp. He describes the five fundamental dynamics that contribute to the bond development in relationships and how they mix to form the overall attachment – know, trust, rely, commit and touch.

The balance of all five bonding dynamics determines the health or “rockiness” of your relationship, and the clarity of how you see your partner. Whenever the relationship dynamics shift out of balance, you will feel unsafe, hurt, betrayed and confused. The “safe zone” can never go further in one bonding area than you have gone in the previous. Slipping out of the safe zone explains the most common mistake people make in relationships -thus you tend to overlook crucial characteristics of the other person that could indicate deal breakers or incompatibilities. My colleague Kim DeRamus further details the RAM process in her blog, Help for Unbalanced Relationships.

Written by: Porsha Jones