A natural response to emotional pain for many people (myself included) is to resist or avoid it. This makes sense because emotional pain can feel overwhelming. Predictably, many view emotional pain as an obstacle. For some, exploring difficult painful emotions can feel like a trap. Often with physical pain, we can quickly identify what barriers are in the way of relief. For instance, if you have a headache or backache, you likely know what will ease that pain.

But when someone hurts us or abandons us, the steps toward easing painful emotions aren’t always linear.

We try all sorts of ways to push it down deep inside, or numb out with drugs or alcohol. We might feel so stuck that even acknowledging that pain overwhelms us, so we blame others, or shut down. We might try to be nice and sweet on the outside, even though inside we are deeply resentful.

When speaking with my clients about emotional pain, I like to use the example of a Chinese finger trap. When stuck in the trap, the harder we pull away, the tighter the trap becomes. This is a very predictable response, but the only way to release your fingers from the trap is to press inward.

Healing emotional pain often works in the same way. Adopting this attitude creates an opportunity to change how we deal with pain. Learning to press into the hurt safely and working to heal the hurt can be empowering.

If it is not clear how to do this, or you don’t have a safe place to heal, then finding a trained therapist can be the first step towards identifying the source of the pain. It’s an opportunity to heal the deep wounds you have been suffering from, with someone that can support and guide you through this process.

Dustin Ellis, CIT

dellis@growcounseling.com