In this fourth blog on the topic of masculinity, we will examine how the definition of masculinity shapes ideas about relationships and coping, for boys and young men.

In kindergarten, a shift begins in the rules of boys playing with girls. If boys do play with girls, or appear weak, they are likely to be excluded or bullied for being less masculine.

The following statistics are given in the documentary, “The Mask You Live In”.

• 1 in 4 boys reports being bullied at school
• Only 30% of those who are bullied notify adults

Psychologist & Educator Dr. William Polack states, “When boys are depressed, they are more likely to act out and become aggressive. Most people see it as conduct disorder, or bad kid. Many become suicidal but no one has noticed, because of the way we define depression.”

• Every day, 3 or more boys commit suicide
• For boys, suicide is the third leading cause of death

In a culture that is not equipping young boys to express themselves in a healthy way, and to seek help, psychologist & educator Dr. Niobe Way notes, “Exactly the same time that we begin to hear the emotional language disappear from boy’s narratives in the national data, that is the time when boys have 5 times the rate of suicide as girls.”

Young boys are learning to live behind an emotional mask, which keeps them from sharing their true feelings. When young boys and adolescents are in this pain, they are not able to break out. So they hide because they do not have anyone to talk to.

• Fewer than 50% of boys and men with mental health challenges seek help

Expectations about masculinity are affecting mental health with the message that, “I’m not supposed to get help, or it could be used against me.” This message devalues the need for close friendships and feminizes empathy, relationships, and emotions.

When boys have no outlet for pain, loneliness, or cannot put it into words, they may take to using alcohol and drugs to cope with those powerful emotions.

• By age 12, 34% of boys have started drinking
• The average boy tries drugs at age 13
• 1 in 4 boys binge drink (consume 5 or more drinks in a row)

Stay tuned for Part 5, when we explore the influence that media has on how society views masculinity.

Dustin Ellis, CIT