Psychology Today published an article entitled, “10 Reasons Why Today’s Teenagers Are So Anxious.” We’ve seen the rise in not only anxiety, but also depression, self-harm, and suicide in teens and college-aged students. While many studies have been conducted to look for causes, this article pins down ten crucial areas.
First, let’s explore a few areas where kids may struggle. Some students are driven by the expectations of others, via peer pressure and the influence of social media. Other children experience parental pressures to make straight A’s, or get into the “right” college, which can create an unrealistic drive towards perfectionism. Some students have experienced extreme trauma in their young lives, while others maintain a stable home environment.
Regardless of circumstances, a plethora of external circumstances create the “perfect storm” of mental instability for our children. This instability often portrays itself as anxiety.
The “10 Reasons” article contain relevant and crucial areas wherein we, as parents, caregivers and influencers, can make changes to encourage positive mental health. If you have a teen or college-aged student, please take a few moments and see if any of this resonates with you and/or your student. The inability to cope with everyday stresses is a common cause for anxiety.
1. Electronics offer an unhealthy escape.
Having the ability to utilize apps, social media, digital games and devices allows children to escape emotions and unpleasant feelings such as boredom, loneliness, sadness, and taking responsibility for mistakes. As the Psychology Today article states, “Now we’re seeing what happens when an entire generation has spent their childhoods avoiding discomfort. Their electronics replaced opportunities to develop mental strength and they didn’t gain the coping skills they need to handle everyday challenges.” We consistently see this in our practice with clients from ages 14-24, and sometimes even older.
2. Happiness is all the rage.
Our culture has created an environment in which parents believe it has become their primary job to make their children happy, every moment, every day. If the child is bored, sad or disappointed, parents believe it is their job to entertain, make happy or give whatever is necessary to bring the child back to happiness. Unfortunately, as a result, kids believe if they’re not happy, then something must be wrong, and that change from external circumstances will make it right. This belief creates a great deal of inner conflict and disillusion. Kids do not comprehend that feeling negative emotions (sadness, disappointment, anger etc.) is normal and part of every life.
3. Parents are giving unrealistic praise.
Instead of praising the child’s actual accomplishment, “You worked really hard to earn that A! Great job!”or “Wow, you scored the game winning goal!” Parents instead overstate, “You’re the smartest kid in the world!” or “You’re the best soccer player in the league!” While we believe, as parents, we are building up our child, we are actually placing unrealistic labels, or expectations for them to try to live out. The child actually feels the pressure of the parent’s expectations, and if they can’t meet those, may feel crushing failure, fear or rejection.
4. Parents are getting caught up in the rat race.
Parents have become the child’s personal assistant. Parents are beginning to work as hard, or harder, to ensure their child’s success. Hiring a host of tutors, private coaching, prep courses, and the like in an effort to help their child get into “the right” university or school. The message kids receive is that they must be good at everything they do, not just good, but at the top of every list. If they are not able to attain the desired goal, then it is perceived as failure. This pressure has been consistently conveyed in clinician offices and mental health hospitals working with adolescents. The pressure is not only their own desire but their parents’ pressure for them to achieve. This becomes a source of not only fear and shame, but of anxiety.
5. Kids aren’t learning emotional skills.
Our culture emphasizes academic preparation and sports opportunities, while emotional skills are overlooked. Psychology Today shares a “national survey of first-year college students revealed 60% feel emotionally unprepared for college life.” This indicates we are not attending to the most basic skills of living independently. Skills like self-care, stress management, time management, and interpersonal conflict resolution are excluded from what our children are being taught in their homes. Without these skills, anxiety will naturally result.
Written by: Allison Wray
