Our definition of masculinity is shaped and maintained by many factors in our society. In part one of this series, we explored issues surrounding our culture’s definition of masculinity and discussed the topics as they are presented in the documentary The Mask You Live In.
In this second part, we will examine how parents’ expectations can influence ideas about masculinity. Before we go any further into this topic, the purpose of this blog is not to shame or judge parents, but simply to look closer at how expectations shape how children learn to view masculinity.
Before a child is even born, parents often start decorating the nursery room in pink or blue in preparation for their child’s birth. This is not inherently a problem, but simply illustrates one example of the subtle pressures that we put on gender roles or masculinity from the beginning of life. Another example is that one may be ridiculed as a “momma’s boy” while there is not the same negative stigma associated with females being called a “daddy’s girl.”
According to Psychologist and Educator Dr. William Polack, “Boys are not encouraged to talk about any kind of pain. And when they do talk about pain, fathers particularly, but mothers also, tend to focus more on how to solve that, or what they are going to do, or their actions.”
Typically, by the age of 10 years old, most boys have learned and perfected not crying in public. In the case where a boy does cry, he is often shamed into keeping his emotions to himself. It is likely that a boy, shamed in this way, will now expect other males, and later their sons, to abide by these same “masculine” expectations. It is understandable that often parents encourage boys not to show their emotions in order to protect them from being teased or bullied.
These social expectations shape the way boys are raised, and the implication can be far-reaching into their mental health and future relationships. Dr. Polack goes on to say, “The reason men are less likely to show empathy, less likely to show vulnerability, less likely to bring up children in that kind of way, is that they have been socialized into it.”
Society is certainly more open to discussing this issue, which speaks to progress. But there is still more work to be done in other areas of our culture that influence perceptions about masculinity. Stay tuned for Part 3, when we explore how schools are influencing these perceptions.
Dustin Ellis, CIT
Dellis@growcounseling.com
