This is part 2 of a 4 part series. You can read the first part HERE
More guidelines for finding middle ground in a relationship:
- No name calling
- Speak honestly and judiciously
Name calling. It is easy to fall into this pattern in a relationship. Perhaps it is a familiar pattern within your family of origin. “You’re just like your… (insert favorite comparison – mother, father, sister, second cousin, twice removed)” Or the broader name calling – “crazy or lazy “ If you recognize this is a pattern in your relationship, focus on putting an end to it as quickly as possible.
Think before you speak. If what you are about to say will only promote pain, do not say it. (Visual: Meg Ryan in You’ve Got Mail when she actually places her hand over her mouth when she recognizes she is about to say something hurtful.) Try the “hand over mouth technique” if needed. Some topics should be labeled “red hot burning fire” topics because they enflame both partners. These topics will take some forethought on how to proceed so no one is left with scalding emotional burns.
Adapted from The Power of the Middle Ground, Marty Babit
Marlayne Whitlock, LAPC
MWhitlock@ GROWCounseling.com
