This is a question that has been increasing debated as technology has become a big part of day-to-day life. We have seen couples in the public eye crumble and others stay together after an online relationship comes out. If this issue hits closer to home and happens in your relationship you might talk with friends and family and further complicates matters with the mixed reactions from loved ones. With all of these mixed messages when someone discovers their partner is having an online relationship they do not know how to react or think. They may feel the relationship is not a real threat since they never met or have sex or they may feel few people understand why they feel so hurt.
Research in the mental health field is starting to bring some answers to the table about how online relationships impact offline couple relationships. One of the starting points for a lot of the research was developing a working definition of online relationships and affairs. Similarly, it is important for couples to have an agreed upon definition for online relationship and affairs before they can really talk about expectations or an offense in the relationship. Here are some definitions researchers used to define these terms to give you a jumping off point for that discussion: “sexual intercourse, cybersex, hot chatting, sharing deep emotional and ? or intimate information offline or online, visiting strip clubs, pornographic pictures on websites or sent via email, and the presence of a non-sexual relationship on- or offline (Hertlein & Webster, 2008).”
To answer the BIG question: Research has found that when partners have online romantic/sexual relationships it affects their relationship with their offline partner. Some studies even found that online betrayal is perceived as hurtful as offline betrayal. So this means the answer to the question are online relationships really affairs is: yes for many couples online relationships will erode away at intimacy and trust in their relationships similarly as offline affairs will.
So be proactive around this issue in your relationship and talk about the definitions and expectations. If you or your partner is having an online relationship then know that it is not something to take lightly and it will likely start to negatively impact your relationship with your partner.
Resources used:
Hertlein, K., & Webster, M. (2008). Technology, relationships, and problems: A research synthesis. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 34, 445-460.
Jennifer Wilmoth, LAMFT
jwilmoth@ GROWcounseling.com
