The holiday season can be a particularly challenging time for blended families. Every blended family has built-in complexities that are highlighted during the holidays. Tension may arise over many issues: making decisions about how much time each parent gets with the child, deciding who buys which gifts, and even determining which holiday rituals are acceptable for the child to participate in. Additionally, children may feel a sense of being “caught in the middle” especially if they are witness to their parent’s power struggle.
Effective Strategies for Blended Family Holiday Challenges
- Make Plans Ahead of Time: Encourage family members to share their ideas about planning for the holidays. Allow everyone to have a voice that is heard. This will avoid unrealistic expectations and reduce problems that occur with last minute planning.
- Flexibility is Your Friend: Don’t get stuck with the ordinary expectations of holiday traditions. Allow flexibility with the dates your family celebrates a specific holiday. Be flexible with which members of your blended family are or are not present during the holidays
- Avoid Competition: The need to compete in blended families is usually rooted in jealousy and feelings of personal inadequacy. Avoid competing with former spouses, grandparents, and step-parents in order to promote a healthy sense of family wellbeing.
- Embrace Your Family’s Uniqueness: Your blended family is no better or worse than your first marriage family; it’s just different… or unique. Appreciate how each person’s unique strengths assist with creating new bonds. Grow in understanding of differences when problems arise. Build new family traditions based on your uniqueness!
- Allow Your Children to Express their Feelings: Make sure you tell your children that the mixed emotions they are feeling are normal and ok to express. Validate their feelings and encourage them to continue to share them.
Porsha Williams, LAMFT
Pwilliams@ GROWcounseling.com
