According to the research of Dr. John Gottman, most couples live with distress in their relationship for an average of six years before seeking counseling. Unfortunately, the relationship may have experienced so many hurts that it is difficult to repair.

It’s also not uncommon for the relationship to be in crisis when the couple finally seeks help.

Ideally, couples would seek help when they begin to experience distress in their relationship. Here are some red flags that are indicators that your relationship might benefit from couples counseling:

• “I love my partner, but I’m not in love with them.” This is a phrase I commonly hear from distressed partners. It speaks to the distancing within the couple’s relationship.
• You are sharing your complaints about your partner with friends rather than with your partner. When this happens you are not turning within the relationship for relief, you are turning outside the relationship. 
• You find yourself talking down to your partner or your partner talking down to you. This is contempt and it will poison your relationship if it continues. 
• You find yourself looking for ways to improve your relationship – books, videos, blogs or you’ve thought that maybe the two of you do need some third-party help.  

If you are thinking about it, please don’t hesitate to reach out to discuss the possibility of couples therapy. We know how hard making that call can be and are happy to talk with you about what options might be beneficial for your specific situation. 

Written by: Jackie Dunagan