As I was reading recently, I came across a quote in Melody Beattie’s book Codependent No More that really spoke to me.

“We jump into the first feeling that comes our way and then wallow in it…we are reacting without thinking. When we react we forfeit our personal, God-given power to think, feel, and behave in our best interests. We allow others to determine when we will be happy; when we will be peaceful; when we will be upset; and what we will say, do, think and feel.”

This quote spoke to me because it is so often how I handle life; I allow my environment or the people around me determine my mindset, my mood, and even how productive I am. I know that I am not alone in this either; so many of us react, making knee-jerk decisions or snap judgments rather than responding to a person or situation from a thoughtful, grounded place. So often, we feel pressured to react to a situation or an argument because we are feeling anxious about the outcome, we feel responsible for someone else’s feelings, or are just acting from our initial instinct. We don’t stop and consider how our response could come back to negatively affect us, or contribute to the escalation of a situation.

The thing is, usually our initial reaction is not as effective or productive as it would be if we took a second to think and breathe.

Take a mental look through your past few interactions with your spouse, your kids, or your co-workers, and ask yourself a few questions. Are you responding thoughtfully and calmly, or running with your first reaction? Are you considering how your responses to other people or situations might be taking a toll on your stress level?

How might your relationships and your overall well-being improve if you give yourself permission to stop, think, and then respond in a way that will get you closer to the outcome you need?

What would it be like if we all started acting in our own best interests and choosing how we will feel about a situation or interaction, instead of allowing those around us to choose for us?

Molly Halbrooks, LAMFT
mhalbrooks @ growcounseling.com